A Calm Place

Most of the time we are calm, rational creatures but every once in a while, we all "lose it". Sometimes we are yelling at our spouse, our kids, parents, friends, or whoever else catches us at that not so lucky time.  I am sure you can look in the not so far past to find a time when you lost it and acted in an unfavorable way.  By asking you to consider this, I am not suggesting that you have a problem with anger.  Actually, I am hoping that you can do this without it causing you too much distress.  You can question for yourself whether or not you have a problem with anger through this link:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00073

Here is are some quick tools you can use to keep from "losing it". 

1)     Take care of your own needs -- Feeling Hungry? Tired? Overwhelmed?  Need some Me time? Think about how likely it is to be angry when you are are well nourished, well rested, relaxed, and satisfied.  It's almost a no brainer, but we all forget to take care of ourselves and before you know it we find ourselves heated over something that in retrospect could have been avoided had we not reacted in the first place.

2)     Try not to react! -- Most fights result from one person reacting instead of thinking.  It's natural for us to react when stressed -- I would even argue it's instinctual.  This makes it even harder for us to fight the urge, but not impossible.  When we are acutely stressed, our "fight or flight" response kicks in and chemicals are sent throughout our bodies that prepare us to mount a response.  The strategy here is to learn to become aware of what your "fight or flight" feels like and learn to tolerate not acting on it.  This will take practice.  In time, you will learn to do nothing and allow this feeling to pass.  This will allow you to "reprogram" your brain to use the "flight or flight" feeling as an indicator that you may need to put more effort into not reacting and more effort into thinking about how do de-escalate the situation. Next time you find yourself feeling stressed,  try taking three slow deep breaths and doing nothing for at least 30 seconds.  You probably saw this in movies or some TV show somewhere, but it actually works (and is the most commonly prescribed technique for calming the body).  What you are doing is actually fooling your mind / body connection for a short period of time -- you are consciously taking control over your body at a time when your unconscious brain is trying to get it ready for a rumble (fight or flight).  By actively controlling your breathing and by not acting on your feeling for even a short period of time, you are buying yourself just enough time to think about what you want to do instead of just acting on instinct.  This allows you to become less emotionally aroused (and less likely to make some bad decisions!).  I am not saying that you will not still feel stressed -- (that takes more than just some slow deep breathing and sitting on your hands), but you will have successfully changed your behavior and will likely reap the reward of that. 

3)     Know when it's time to get some help.  Unfortunately, some people never know when enough is enough.  Usually, it is a spouse or parent that encourages a person to seek help.   If you believe you or someone you know can benefit from more information, you can learn more and answer for yourself at:http://groupangermanagement.com/html/what_can_you_do.html

America is Stressed!

Researchers found that Eight out of Ten Americans are stressed because of the economy...You can read the full article at:http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/10/07/economic.stress/index.html

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